I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
