Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
