i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
