I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Drake has all the answers
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
