don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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