My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
