yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
