in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
