am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
