Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
