Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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