We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
