Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Sorry my hands just texted you
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
