singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
