yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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