I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
