I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
