There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
