Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I smell stomach acid.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
