I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
