The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
