Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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