We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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