dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
