He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Are we still banned from the library?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
