On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Say something about gay babies.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
