I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
