This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
