yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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