she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Randomize
