Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
