When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
