Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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