my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
