So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
