Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
