sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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