FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
