Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
