i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
