he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
