is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
How naked do you want me to be?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
