I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
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