My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
