My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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