Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
