There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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