mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
