If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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