New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
