just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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