how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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