She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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