whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I want to make a zoo with you.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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