My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
